by Chris Alexion, Copyright October 12, 2005, all rights reserved. 196 views
LANCASTER, PA–Worldly fashion designers scored a major victory in their culture war against the Anabaptists, according to sources in the fashion industry. Sources say that designers have tailored their new fall lines to reflect the Anabaptistic image.
"I'm really excited about this new line," said David Binder of Ralph Lauren. "High-riding brown trousers are definitely in, along with tieless dress shirts buttoned up all the way. And this year suspenders are a must-have." Plain fashions are changing women's designs as well, comments Kim McKade of American Eagle. "We really think the time has come for one-piece plain dresses without any kind of ornamentation," she said, pointing to American Eagle's new "Washerwoman" line. "This style is spartan but allows for customization with optional sandblasting or our wide variety of headcoverings."
Anabaptists aren't as thrilled with the new development. "We've never really been on the best of terms with the world," said Isaiah Rothberger, a Plain minister, "but now they're really starting to hack us off." Hosea Martin concurred. "It stinks," he said. "We were totally separate and godly in our clothing, but now we look just like them. This will call for dramatic and costly policy changes."
Martin explained that Anabaptists hold to a strict view of separation from the world. "This especially means our appearance," he said. "Paul in Romans 12 tells us not to be conformed to this world. While there may be an epistemological application of that passage, it's primarily discussing clothing. We must not follow the world's fashions."
This interpretation, he said, "raised difficult questions at first, since we didn't know what style we should follow. Eventually we decided on mid- to late-nineteenth century German fashion. Some may call that arbitrary. I call it godly." But Martin admitted that the world had outmaneuvered them on this issue. "We've known for some time that they wanted us to conform to their changing fashions. It seems they couldn't get us by temptation, so they got us by default."
Rothberger said that the Anabaptist church is currently working out the details of a solution. One proposal inluded carpenter jeans with logo tees for men and denim jumpers for women. Others have suggested fourteenth-century Swedish clothing, or a return to the garb of the Highland Scots. But the road to purity in dress promises to be rough. "Strict separation is becoming increasingly difficult in this global economy," lamented Rothberger. "We may have to find some way of going out of the world."
1 • Nathaniel Bluedorn • October 13, 2005 • 11:20 AM
Chris,
This one was very good.
Nathaniel
2 • Chris Yokel • October 13, 2005 • 10:28 PM
Hahaha! Ooooo, good one.
3 • Mrs. Dumas • April 24, 2006 • 8:08 PM
Dear Chris,
dh and I have been reading your blog for some time. I just wanted you to know that for me, a new Christian and homeschool mom, I have not only found these funny but encouraging. Having fallen into the trap of "modest" dress looking like specific styles from certain eras, I know how dangerous and confusing this can be. For me, this was a funny and light way of better understanding something that God taught me the hard way. My "modest" dress ruined my witness and made many people run from me and my then- new-found salvation. Thanks for the reminder and the laugh.
——-