by Chris Alexion, Copyright October 10, 2005, all rights reserved. 191 views
WASHINGTON–President Bush spoke today after Jessica Simpson, his latest Supreme Court nominee, was approved by the Senate Judiciary Committee. The relieved president said he's been getting tired of emotionally-charged battles over the nomination of federal judges and justices. These fights have plagued him and his nominees since Charles Pickering's case in 2002. "A war zone, one zone, one war zone in Iraq is enough for me, you know what I'm saying?" Bush said in a press conference. "I just can't afford to fight with one leg tied behind my back anymore."
Bush chose Simpson, the singer-turned-actress who starred in 2005's The Dukes of Hazard, because she's so well-known and well-liked. "Picking candidates no one's ever heard of has its downsides," said Bush. "Sure, I might get someone in under the radar, but everyone might get suspicious. With Jessica, I don't have that problem; everyone knows her."
Supporters of Simpson also say it's easier to define her beliefs. "There's no lengthy paper trail of Jessica's opinions and arguments before various courts," says Sen. Harry Reid. "All we had to do was listen to her albums and watch the Dukes–which we were more than happy to do." Reid said another reason Simpson appeals to both sides is that there's no worry about predicting whether she'll be a solid conservative or a swing vote on the bench. "Jessica's not likely to vote at all," said Reid.
Simpson's nomination comes to the floor next Tuesday for a final vote, but pundits expect she'll be confirmed. Brit Hume of FoxNews says Simpson is "practically assured a majority of votes." In addition, Fox's Shepherd Smith points out that Fox's continual coverage of stars like Simpson and Britney Spears may have contributed to her nomination.
1 • SEE • October 10, 2005 • 7:36 AM
We laughed over this one! Effective satire. Chris, you are on a roll. Seven great posts in eight days!
2 • Dave • October 10, 2005 • 10:35 AM
I, for one, am shocked that Bush did not even consider Judge Judy for the open seat. Clearly, her much-heralded record of being tough on crime, and no nonsense approach to administering justice would make her lock for the Supreme Court.