by Chris Alexion, Copyright May 02, 2006, all rights reserved. 315 views
A friend and I recently exchanged a few emails about my story "The Diabolical Top Ten," and we ended up discussing the idea of dating/courtship. Since (judging by the proliferation of courtship materials on the market) experience is not a prerequisite for opening your mouth on the subject, I thought my two cents on relationsihps might be worth posting.
Dear _____,
The satire, created originally by a friend of mine, is poking fun at fundamentalist taboos and the church's tendency to take things too far. Sure, music, dating and other issues can become problematic. But if you talk to some Anabaptists/fundamentalists, you'd think Satan spends his time with nothing better to do than putting backmasking on rock records. So to mock that idea, we had the devils doing just that.
But we're not mocking all these ideas per se. For instance, I don't agree with dating in the typical American sense. ("Well, I'm in junior high now, so I need a girlfriend.") There are real biblical problems here. But I don't think "courtship" has all the answers either simply because it sounds different. I think Halloween is pagan. But the way some people talk about it, you'd think it's the devil's greatest strategy.
Chris
Chris,
Yeah, I agree with you. People often take things to one extreme or the other–balance is so necessary!
"But I don't think 'courtship' has all the answers either simply because it sounds different." True. I was wondering: what "method" do you think should be used/followed? An all new one? Just curious because I don't remember ever hearing what you think should be done.
Dear _________,
Good question. I don't really think there is one biblical "method" for everybody–like a one-size-fits-all t-shirt. That's why God gave parents. But I think biblical principles speak to the issue, and the father should be involved. Here are some theories out there that I've noticed:
The Garbage Man: Father's job is to get rid of unwanted daughter.
The Observer: Father just watches as daughter does whatever the bloody heck she wants.
The Talent Scout: Father is out to recruit potential son-in-law, complete with contract and major league baseball signing bonus.
The Curmudgeon: Don't even look at my daughter. Probably what Jack Bauer would be like if he were a patriarch.
In contrast to all of these, I think I see the father as more of a filter. He's there to protect his daughter by screening out the riff-raff and basically supervising the relationship as a whole–though not to a level of excruciating detail that treats the couple like preschoolers. I see relationships as growing more organically, beginning with two people as polite aquaintances, then getting to know each other as friends through church and social activities. When a mutual interest develops, they would (with their parents' approval) get to know each other a little better (whether you want to call it "seeing each other," "going out, "courting," or "dating"). If this goes well–and no one can set an ideal timeline for something like this–an engagement would eventually follow. During the whole process, the couple would discuss things with both sets of parents in a customized way that applies biblical insight to their particular situation.
I also think no one should email members of the other gender without getting special permiss–oh, oops.
Chris
1 • Nick • May 02, 2006 • 10:48 PM
?I don't really think there is one biblical "method" for everybody–like a one-size-fits-all t-shirt.?
I think too often we idolize courtship and marriage by setting up certain patterns in our attempt to find the "right" way. My personal opinion (and take it for what it?s worth =) ) is that each individual will have a different and unique love story. We shouldn?t necessarily take one idea, even if it might have worked well with numerous couples, and run with it as if that were the only way. We all have different backgrounds and what might work in one relationship might destroy another. I think our focus should be on letting God lead in our relationships and not focusing on set models?..courtship, dating, whatever. That's where it becomes difficult (for myself leastwise). It?s much more convenient to plug in a model when we think the time is right than to wait, truly wait, on God?s timing.
Great post!
2 • Daniel • May 03, 2006 • 9:57 AM
The four types of fathers - I love it!
3 • Amanda • May 04, 2006 • 5:21 PM
Great post! And you're right. There's a reason kids have parents.
BTW–loved the Jack Bauer reference!
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