by Chris Alexion, Copyright September 22, 2007, all rights reserved. 355 views
Chris Alexion
MIDEAST–In response to critics, Pentagon officials, and those he calls "Western hatas," Osama Bin Laden recently released his new video "Boo-Laden" (feat. T-Pain and Lil' Wayne). The video, shot largely in unidentified cavernous locations, features the famed Islamic extremist busting both rhymes and moves in his latest electronic jihad against Jews, Christians, and the West. Osama "spits Islamic fire" while rap/R&B icons T-Pain and Weezy get their groove on with burqa-clad females of undisclosed shapeliness.
"These [expletive deleted] hate on me and [expletive deleted] rave, yo / Say I'm holed up in some Muslim cave, yo," raps Bin Laden in the track's first verse. "They actin' like I been laid in grave / Like that [expletive deleted] Bush just saved the day; / But just like Ocean Spray, you gon' taste the wave; / I'm in yo court, homey; I ain't afraid to play."
But critics question whether Bin Laden, whose location is unknown, is really in anyone's court. The response from the White House went even further. "We're ready to ball," said a confident President Bush in yesterday's press conference. "We're really getting close. At this rate, we hope to have a guess at his whereabouts sometime before I leave office."
Yet Bush himself is among the targets of Osama's lyrics. Bin Laden's more printable lines refer to "that dirty Texan" and "you Western playa-hating monogamist [expletive deleted]," and wonder whether "you could find me if I hid in New Orleans." Bush hotly asserted that he was "pretty sure" Osama was not in New Orleans, and questioned why the terrorist was hiding in the first place. "I'm in yo hood; if you a gangsta, what you hid for?" asked Bush.
A source within Al-Qaeda said that Bin Laden is experimenting with the new rap video format due to the stifling and boring nature of his previous releases. "Osama wants to spice things up," said the source. "He's all about innovation and technology." Asked whether the video could expect to win any awards, the source replied that it's too early to tell. "But if we spent two million and had Pam Anderson in it, then maybe," he said.
Also, according to the source, Bin Laden has promised to quit his rap career if he is outsold by Kanye West.
1 • LHR • September 25, 2007 • 3:43 PM
Another satire…it's been a long time since I've read one of those! Paragraph three really had me laughing. You're good!
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